her vagine was all disorganized.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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