i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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