I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
