We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
