What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize