I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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