wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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