You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
