Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
