You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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