you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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