I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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