We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
