I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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