I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
