Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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