i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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