Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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