Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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