Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
