Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
