I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
