just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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