Need sex. Gaining weight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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