I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
