We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
