tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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