so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
