I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
