I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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