a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
