My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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