I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize