from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
