Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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