dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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