my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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