I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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