i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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