she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
