I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
