So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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