the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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