tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
