well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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