1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
