yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
