I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
