My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
