I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
