Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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