I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
