Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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