he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
