the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
