she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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