im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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