My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who died my cat blue again?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
