my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
