Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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