billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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