If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
