You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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