my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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