i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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