the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
