Define "chronic" masturbator.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
