Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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