Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
