so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
