But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
