what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
