woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this is an emotional support booty call
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
