the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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