oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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