i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
