after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
