Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
