I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
